Derelicts of Dialect

2006-03-14T18:36:00.000-08:00

Purim, etc.

So, for the Judaically-inclined, the halfies (including myself) and everyone else, last night, Monday, the 1 3th, was Purim, the great Jewish holiday of vengeance, retribution, survival, and triangular cookies filled with apricot or other nice things. I personally went to this thing a family friend does every year, a Purim-themed musical at a synagogue on the Upper West Side. Now I am a completely secular individual, as is my family...but it's nice supporting our friend and having a good time.

Anyway, at the end of this year's Disco Megillah, I was struck by something that I guess I never noticed before. And it fits, with Purim, Passover and the Exodus, and some other holidays rooted deeply in the Jewish identity. The theme of survival. The idea of "We are here. We are still alive. Whatever they have done to us. We are here." And that is such a powerful and humbling idea, to paraphrase what my buddy Dan said last night.

It's especially weird, considering I don't have really any religious identity. I am proud of my background, my Jewishness, my Catholicness, my Russian-Irish-Romanian-Italianness, but I don't really have a strong tie to any of the religious stuff. Holidays have always been about food and family. I've been "kicked out of the tribe" before, for my support of the Palestinians, by a couple of my more ideological friends. But sitting in that room last night, I was really blown away by this idea.

I think it's important for any people to understand the role of struggle in their history. It can be seen as a call to action for social justice, as one people's struggle is everyone's struggle. I guess this is rambling a bit, but I just wanted to put something down on paper...err...the screen, and just sort of share this idea.

For Those Saddened By a Lack of Posting for the Past Week

I can bring you up to speed by basically putting down some thoughts I had:
The Crush of the Week is Rosario Dawson
I would have ranted about tourists and been ecstatic about the weather
I would've instructed everyone to download a bunch of different music

Hopefully that satiates you. I had a great weekend, hopefully you did too.

Stay fly.
Justin

2006-03-06T19:16:00.000-08:00

Justin Could Quite Well Take the Midwest By Storm

Let me preface this by saying I have not made anything close to an official decision on where I will be next year. But, needless to say, I really enjoyed Illinois and am giving serious thought to ending up at law school there in the Fall. So let me just say, thanks Michelle and everyone else for making my time there so kickass. Good school, nice town, low cost of living, and good booze for cheap...not to mention a good friend you haven't seen in 3 years. Altogether tremendous.

That was the closest thing you will ever see to a "me" blog from your boy Jus.

Requisite Mention of the Oscars

Well, it is the day after and all...so I have to. Despite the fact that my 4-hour delayed flight from the Chi prevented me from watching all but the Best Picture presentation, I did catch up on who won and who did not. Much respect to Crash and Philip Seymour Hoffman. Sure, Brokeback was a solid film, but it wasn't nearly the movie Crash was (or for that matter, some films not nominated, like Paradise Now and several others). And Hoffman's performance took Capote from good-but-not-great biopic territory to another level. So again, congratulations. But a true highlight for me was 3-6 Mafia winning an Oscar. As a huge hip-hop kid (as you know) and a fan of all things surreal, I was incredibly proud these dudes went home with the gold statue. It's not just that it's a hip-hop record winning...it's that it's among the grimiest groups ever winning one of the most elitist prizes around. These guys make Scarface and Eightball and MJG look like puritans. Again, show them how Memphis bounces..........

Intercepted by warlords,
JC

2006-02-28T19:37:00.000-08:00

Comedy Is Being Able to Laugh At Pain

Watching Dave Chappelle on Inside the Actor's Studio tonight, I got to thinking about the quote I used as a title for this entry...or something to that effect. Comedians have always been fascinating to me. Gifted, evocative, able to connect with everyone in front of them on a good night. Tortured, demented, self-destructive. Revolutionary, raw. Human. With some exceptions, like Cosby and Seinfeld, Jackie Mason and Alan King, the vast majority of comedians have led fascinating, extreme and tortured lives. They're like jazz musicians like that. While jazz had Coltrane and Bird and their addictions, comedy has and had Richard Pryor, George Carlin, Lenny Bruce, and so many more. These guys were great not because they could do the best impressions, or tell the funniest jokes, per se, but because they reached their audience. At the club, on a record, on tv, in film...these guys just had something. So, as my roommate Andrew would say, Respect.
-JC

2006-02-28T18:58:00.000-08:00

Hey Heyy We're the Monkeys!!!

I don't know. I feel crazy. If I had seems, they'd be on the verge of splitting. All the hair on my arms are standing up. My spider sense is tingling. Foreboding is a word I would use if I didn't know what trepidation meant...

There's something welling up inside me... I just hope it's creative and not destructive. When I get frustrated, I get stupid. Today when I was cleaning out the last of the crap from my old apt in Bloomfield, I was two matches and a bottle lighter fluid away from screaming, "FUCK THIS!" and setting the whole place to Hades. And to be honest, the only reason I can find, the only source for these emotions, must be my mother.

Now I love my mom, but I can't fucking stand her.

If neurotic could stand up and walk around, it'd look just like Mom. You think I'm joking. You think I'm exaggerating. "Yeah sure, my mom is worse," you're thinking to yourself as you read this. No. You're wrong. Everyone thinks that I'm overreacting... till they meet her that is. Nothing is ever done. Everything can be worried about, fussed over, and changed. There's no line of reason or logic that can derail this crazy train. Even agreeing with her does nothing to stem the flow of this tidal wave of worry. Being in her presence liquifies my mind and leaves me befuddled, bewildred, and berry irritated. It's almost as if someone is whispering in her ear that THIS decision is the one that is going to destroy the world if she gets it wrong.

This isn't even funny... it's more theraputic. I don't even know if it helped.

-jOn

2006-02-27T19:05:00.000-08:00

The Coat

Today was cold. Very cold. Which got my mind wandering on the way home, as it often does. But today, it wandered to a specific remnant of my past, "The Coat." See, "The Coat" was not just a jacket, like the current olive drab military surplus jacket I generally rock, or the peacoat I where when compelled to look fresh to death. This coat was a knee length shearling with a big-ass collar. When I wore it, I felt like some sort of cross between Shaft and some guy climbing Everest in the 1940s. It had belonged
to my Uncle Stan, who is about 6'3", and the tallest person on either side of my family (clearly he's not blood, as I descend from midgets). At some point in the past, as Uncle Stan had grown quite comfortable, he offered the coat to my Dad, my tallest blood relative, who stands a mere 5'10", somewhat towering over me. My Dad could not refuse this coat, despite the fact that he felt ridiculous in it. So it sat in the closet for years, until the day I came upon it in all its beige, dusty glory. I took it to college and wore it from time to time, encouraging cries of "Justin, that looks great," and "Son, you look absurd." In fact, I believe Brian at some point or another gave me a "Dude...you look...ridiculous" in the halting way he exclaims things. Sadly, my mother threw out the coat, something which I may never forgive. But today, and the freezing cold, penetrating my coat and scarf and hat and gloves, made me reminisce a little bit...cue the theme from Superfly.

In Other Entertaining News
A friend of mine in DC, in med school, at a well-respected Jesuit university who would prefer to remain anonymous, remarked that this girl he met at a party hadn't returned his call or two from about two weeks back. He mused about whether or not it was time yet to tear up her business card that she had given him to use it as filter tips for joints. I, of course, said why not. Ladies and gentlemen, this man may one day be your neurologist. And I'm sure he'll kick ass at it.

Time to keep listening to the Mountain Brothers' "Paper Chase." I never get tired of this shit.

This is how we chill from '93 til...
I'm JC

2006-02-26T19:18:00.000-08:00

Jazz (We Got The...)

I think it's especially true when the weather is bad. More often rain than snow, but even in snow... jazz is just the most appropriate thing for the moment. For many moments in my life, moreso as time goes on, the world around me is developing a jazz soundtrack. I guess I have my brother to thank for this. Al, at some point around the age of 11 or 12, switched up his musical taste like a finger being snapped...switching from horrible La Bouche and Fun Factory cds for John Coltrane, McCoy Tyner, and Sir Roland Hannah. His taste has since expanded throughout the world of jazz and somewhat beyond, manifesting itself in a love for everything from Bill Evans to some early 90s r&b, but still focused on amazing jazz from the 1950s and 1960s, with some modern stuff thrown in.

I've learned mostly from him, but also, over time, through my own exploration of the genre. As many of the readers know, I'm obsessed with music, and my taste is all over the place: Wu-Tang to Wilco, etc etc. I've developed my selection of favorite jazz artists: Coltrane, Herbie Hancock, Roy Hargrove, Miles Davis, and several others. But today, nursing a slight hangover and getting a little work that I had brought home from my job done, I just needed a little jazz. A couple Hargrove/rH Factor tracks, a Modern Jazz Quartet classic, and the list continues.

Maybe this comes with age. Maybe I'm on a path to one day being that older guy with his jazz records, lecturing his kid's friends about the genius of a record and how all new music is crap. I hope that's not me, but I wouldn't mind too much. So, in reality, I just want to say, much respect to the masters.

In Other Jazz-Related News
My brother Alex, and the Alex Collins Quintet...including several rising legends of the modern jazz scene, will be performing at the Puffin Cultural Forum in Teaneck, NJ on March 18 at 8pm. The event is already selling out, so if you want tickets, just shout at this here dude via the comments or a quick email to justinmcollins3@hotmail.com. Holla atcha boy, and prepare to see a future king. That's about it.
- JC

“My style is impetuous, my defense is impregnable and I’m just ferocious. I want your heart. I want to eat your children. Praise be to Allah.”
- Mike Tyson

2006-02-23T18:04:00.000-08:00

And When I Die...

I know that's kind of a morbid way to start an entry. But the few days after Dilla brought another death, a dude by the name of Harold Hunter, who many of you would recognize from the film KIDS. More of a skater and fixture in New York than an actor, dude battled a bunch of demons and died young of a cocaine overdose. It's a shame when anyone passes young, and I know this happens daily, all over the world, to people who I've never heard of. But something caught me specifically about this situation:

Notice the open bar. Now, say what you will about an open bar to raise money for the funeral of a man who overdosed. Yes, it's ironic. And possibly sad, depending. However, thinking about this, I would like an open bar at my funeral...and either a dj or a live band laying down some incredibly funky shit. I don't plan to die for at least 100 years...but I like to plan in advance. I feel if everyone could just have a good time and reflect, instead of wallowing, maybe even my funeral would have done something positive...and isn't that what life is all about? So tonight, crack one open for all your people, alive and dead, and just reflect for a sec about what life is all about. Take it sleazy.
- Justin

2006-02-21T18:07:00.000-08:00

After a Break of a Little Less Than A Week...

Healthy at last, your boy JC is back with a brand new energy and focus. I'll have even more to post about tomorrow, as I will be seeing what looks to be the first good horror/fantasy film in forever. See, I'm really not much of a fan of the genre, but Night Watch looks incredibly badass. First, they use a great m83 song in the trailer, which I'm a huge sucker for. On top of that, it's Russian...and that fact makes it inherently awesome (my friends from Coney Island/Brighton Beach can attest to this). So I look forward to updating you.

In other news, I've added this photo to all of those online community/dorkfest things I participate in (i.e. Facebook and MySpace):

No, this is not actually Ali G...to answer everyone on myspace/facebook's question. It was taken at a Halloween party back in 2004 in Brooklyn (Jon was there, much respect for the invite), and It's just some dude who could do one hell of an impression. For those who care, I was Castro (surprise surprise). Also, I enjoy the fact that I appear to have mastered the "Ok, I'm half in the bag, but I still know how to stand up and not run around like a drunken asshole" look. And I still expect my endorsement check from Pabst Blue Ribbon.

I'd just like to, in closing, recommend that everyone check out the new Aceyalone/RJD2 collaboration, Magnificent City. It's a hell of an album, well executed.

Be excellent to each other...and party on.
Justin M. Collins, Esq.

2006-02-15T18:20:00.000-08:00

I Think I'm Becoming Obsessed With Wikipedia...and Airplanes

The title is self-explanatory. When I am at work these days, generally after 3:30 or 4, I begin reading absurd amounts of information on Wikipedia. I often do the same if I am bored at home. Most recently, I've been reading about airplanes...lots of them. The MD-80 is especially fascinating, and I will be flying in one in early March. This is sort of stream-of-concsciousness here, which I sincerely apologize for, but I don't plan to edit. I still can't get over this cough, and I want to post something to keep the readers satiated before I go back to reading another article about airplanes before I return to Mythbusters. I was also going to attach this badass photo of me, from Halloween 2004, dressed like Fidel Castro, holding a PBR, with the most dead-on Ali G impersonator I have ever seen. It was bizarre...and a kickass photo, since the people throwing the party were all artists and photographers. I guess you'll just have to wait.

Dick Cheney shot a guy in the face while shooting caged quail with a fucking shotgun. Just something to think about.

Stay cakey,
Justin

Can't NADIE fuck with Dipset and Jackie Mason. Do your math, bitches...

2006-02-13T07:08:00.000-08:00

Making Moves

-link-

SNOW!!!! Oh snow, how I've missed you. Let me count the ways:

1) The smell of the air before you arrive. You subtly announce yourself with that crisp, cold aroma that beer companys would kill to capture, but you've got in spades.

2) You're unbiased blanket of pure white powder forces a change of perspective. Covered in snow, the normally chaotic streets are muted beneath you and the silence that results is like a dream.

3) You never knew your neighbors before. You've never even introduced yourself. Snow doesn't care. He breaks down the formalities and brings people together to shovel the walks, dig out the cars, and laugh at those silly bastards who try to ignore the snow. The ones who take out their Audi TTs and Porsche Boxters because they're such 'important people' and 'don't have to worry about stupid things like snow' and end up sliding into a 6 foot moutain. Then they get out in there trenchcoats and leather gloves and start yelling at the car like it did something wrong. When that doesn't work he starts yelling at the stupid snow and the stupid plow that didn't clear the stupid road well enough or add enough stupid salt. Meanwhile the guy in the 13 year old Astro Van is cruising along without a problem and looks over and smiles because for once, his shitty old van is better than a $50,000 car and even though the heat takes 20 minutes to kick in and smells like old milk, atleast he's not sitting outside in the cold about to get sprayed with dirty road snow.

4) Putting on your big, akward snowboots and swishy snow pants. Pulling on your slightly oversized snow gloves and your only warm hat. Taking all the preperations to be over prepared and extra warm. Doing all this and then taking that first step out into the snow feeling like you're 10 all over again. You're the explorer, the adventurer, you're Indiana Jones and the Lost Shovel and it's your job to save everyone still trapped inside... you're invincible! Then you take that next step and get a boot full of snow and remember why you hate snow and wanted to move to florida but "Dana didn't want to.." "Dana's got family and friends here and couldn't possibly leave them..." Then you wonder why Dana isn't the one out here trying to pry the frozen shovel off the grass instead of sitting on the couch wrapped in a blanket watching Friends... And you think, "There had better be some hot chocolate and a blowjob waiting for me when I get back inside or I'm going to toss that bitch out in her pajamas."

You know what would be great? Having 15 feet of snow like Japan did and having to tunnel your way around the city. That would be great.

- Spruce "Avalanche" Moose

Man, I wish i had a plow.
Homer, you did have a plow. In fact, you're wearing the jacket right now!
You're losing it Flanders, I think I would remember if I had a plow...

2006-02-12T15:20:00.000-08:00

First and Foremost, R.I.P J. Dilla...

I just want to give at least a brief mention to an incredible producer who passed way too young this weekend, Jay Dee, aka J. Dilla, from Detroit. This is the man who created some of the most soulful hip-hop beats of the past ten years and worked with an incredible array of artists, from Common to Slum Village to Jaylib and beyond. His unique sound added so much to the hip-hop landscape and influenced producers all over the world. Much respect, dude.

In other news....
In case you haven't noticed, New York City is completely blanketed with two feet of snow. The New York City Department of Education is holding me by the balls, not telling the public if they are canceling school tomorrow. You may be wondering: But Justin, you are not a schoolchild, why do you care if the schools are canceled? Well, my office, due to it having many employees with young children, closes whenever the schools do. New York City schools are notorious for staying open...but we broke a record today folks, 26.9 inches. So lets give the people a break.

Power to the people...viva long weekend...
- JC

2006-02-09T17:28:00.000-08:00

Bienvenidos al Angry Thursdays (Vol. II)

You know the drill.

1. People who stand on the stairs down to the subway, talking on the phone - Next time, I'm pushing you, I swear to God. It's rush hour, there's huge lines of people going both directions, there's an old lady trying to wriggle herself around you, some family with a baby stroller, and me. And yet you stand there, smoking or talking on your phone. I don't get it. You have to try to be this big of an asshole.

2. Germs - I have a cold. And I hate you.

3. Christina Aguilera - Well. I happened to see your performance on the Grammys with Herbie Hancock. And it takes quite a bit to fuck up a performance involving Herbie Hancock, as he is that good. Especially when you're covering a track by the genius Donny Hathaway. But your oversinging ass still managed to. Having a big voice doesn't make you a singer...and complaining constantly doesn't make me a hater.

4. The Administration - Goes without saying, pretty standard.

5. Whoever made Yankees hats cost $30 - Sure it's a fitted, 7 1/4 brand new yanks cap. But did I really need to pay 30 beans for that shit? It's absurd...although I should be mad at myself for paying for it.

Anyway, that's the memo. Stay tuned for more stuff in the next few days. I'll be out of town for a couple, but I might post from where I'm at, and Jon should be posting. Early next week we're going to have some interesting reading material from Icc, commenting on some of the major court cases transpiring these days. Slow and easy, that's the way to do it.

Zen Zen Zen Zen Zen Zen
- J. Murdertastic

2006-02-08T18:50:00.000-08:00

15 Observations and a Celebrity Crush of the Week

1. Argyle may be the greatest pattern ever.
2. A friend of mine actually went to college and had class with the girl who is currently the queen of alt-porn/hipster porn. I think that's pretty badass...and I want a membership.
3. Surprise pie is a good thing. Maybe the best thing.
4. Riding the 168 bus back to NJ late at night, when it is running on the local route, and it takes you up on the palisades up past West New York and North Bergen, and you can see the city...it's incredibly theraputic and sometimes the exact thing you need.
5. If you had Denmark in the office pool, you'd be right....I mean really, who could have predicted it would have been the Scandanavians...with a cartoon? This is like a bizarro game of Clue.
6. This blog is the first thing I've somewhat committed to in quite some time.
7. There's nothing wrong with liking yacht rock.
8. Main Source's "Fakin' the Funk" is one of the most underrated hip-hop tracks ever.
9. I love my neighborhood...I realized this especially when I exited the subway at Steinway/Broadway, walked past El Basurero (a combination restaurant, bar, bakery, and convenience store) and got handed a hooker business card by some guy street teaming...evidently for some hooker. I'm betting on a 70/30 ratio of not-a-shemale to shemale probabilty...not odds I'm willing to take.
10. The Ricky Gervais Show podcast is one of the funniest things I've ever listened to. I want to meet Karl Pilkington.
11. Larry King is, hands down, the best interviewer in the business...and a class act.
12. I want a radio show at some point.
13. They may have reduced N/W train service the past week or two. There's bigger crowds and the train always seems late. Maybe this is just typical and I haven't noticed since last June.
14. "Yacht Rock," stop psyching yourself out...go out there, make it happen...and get in them drawls, son....
15. One day, we will all learn to live together. At least I hope so.

And Now...Celebrity Crushdom
I tend to shy away from the obvious. Typically, when you hear my choices, it will be like "who?" or "why?" but fuck it. This week's Celebrity Crush is Jessica Alba. Not very creative, I know. But this isn't about creativity, it's about factual accuracy. There was some ridiculous quote in Page 6 in the New York Post today, where Paul Walker, or someone like that, said something about wanting to have years of angry sex with her. Paul, out of my way, jerkass. I'm here to make it happen. She hasn't lived 'til she's had the Iron Bear. And for your viewing pleasure (I just had to):

I'm J. Moses...keep cool my babies.
- JC

2006-02-08T09:21:00.000-08:00

Bigger, Badder, and Balder...

Welcome back Superfriends! After a long weekend of crime fighting, damsel rescuing, and plot foiling, I'm back and better than ever. Last week I threw out some designs for my boys over at Crown Fire Productions and I'm back with a whole new batch.

Here's the Inked and the Colored versions:

Pretty tight, I know...

Not a long post, but I have to pace myself... can't blow my whole load in the first post of the week, nah mean!?

Coming Soon: Canadian Tigger and the Clipper Catastrophe

By the way, YOU CAN'T DO THAT ON TELEVISION

- The SpruceMoose

2006-02-07T17:59:00.000-08:00

Yacht Rock, Yaaaaaaaatches!!!!

As of Sunday, I was informed of one of the greatest things ever: The Tremendous Mockumentary known only as "Yacht Rock," a mult-part series focusing on one of my favorite genres.

Enjoy.

Yacht Rock is for champions.

(there was supposed to be a photo of Oates here...but Blogger fucking chose to suck instead...so therefore, you get a non-sequitir photo of Telly Savalas)

Congratulations to the Pittsburgh Steelers, I was rooting for you and you deserved to lose less than the Seahawks did. What a shit Super Bowl...but it's all good. I'm going to go listen to some Wilco. Be Easy.
- Justin

2006-02-04T11:42:00.000-08:00

Only 6 Months...give or take...Until Snakes on a Plane!!!

You heard it here first, people...it's coming, and there's nothing you can do to stop it. In today's Snakes on a Plane related links, I present:

Snakes on a Plane, the comic
Snakes on a Plane, the interview with Samuel L. Jackson

John Brooks, on Snakes on a Plane:
slickj07: i love how the bad guy unleashes the snakes while he himself is on the flight
slickj07: its genius cause it takes 2 things ppl are terrified of
slickj07: snakes and planes
slickj07: and puts them together
slickj07: truly, its the perfect storm

Pimping My Friends
As you know, this blog is read by tens of thousands of people worldwide. As such, friends in search of lovin' and/or just some genital interaction, may ask me to place a sort of personal ad, with my expressed support and approval of them, for the consumption of the general public. If you want a personal ad, or just want to respond to one, holla atcha boy and I will inform all relevant parties.

Anyway, today is personal ad number 1. My friend Megatron (there's a link to her blog on the right) is in search of a man. Preferably a tall man. Preferably a Jewish man. See, she kind of has a Jew fetish (please stop objectifying half of my people)...and you can take advantage of that. This is her picture, and she is also kickass...call now, operators are standing by. Megatron, this one is for you...

Jewish (and other) men, feel free to respond, and I will get you in touch with this here lady. However, if you do something shady, myself and several other friends may have to stab you in the face with a soddering iron. Just leave a comment.

Hitting a New Low
We all reach that day when we realize we have hit a new low. For some, it's the day they call in sick to work so they can stay home and masturbate to porn all day. For others, it's eating from the garbage for the first time. For even some others, it's the first time they think to themselves, "wow, that midget has a pretty sweet ass." For me, it was this week, when I set up 3 types of mousetraps (my roommate put down the poison - well done, Bennie! well done!) like a minefield and waited for the little mouse bodies to pile up. I don't live in squalor, I swear...but in the end, all the mice were killed. I left one body there for a few hours, the trap doubled over him. Just to send a message.

My Final Thought
Last night, before going out and drinking, I watched an incredible film, Paradise Now, a brilliant Palestinian film dealing with the subtleties of resistance to occupation, and the desparation that leads people to commit horrible acts of violence. I recommend everyone sees this movie, even if you're not as interested in Palestine as I am.

Anyway, I'm Justin. Take care of yourselves, and each other, bitches.

2006-02-02T19:01:00.000-08:00

In Lieu of the Angry Thursdays Volume II...

Today has actually been full of good news...so I just don't have it in me to hit you with a whole bunch of righteous indignation...and god knows I really could do that (domestic spying, Henry Cuellar, etc). So instead, I am going to give you two things I have really enjoyed as of late.

1. President Evo Morales of Bolivia. This man rules. Populist, leftist, representing the indigenous people of Bolivia, the workers and the farmers. And he can rock a Cosby Sweater like nobody's business. Here's to El Presidente, kick ass and take names.

2. Snakes on the Plane - If you've made it this far, you will be rewarded. Evidently, Samuel Jackson will star in a film titled, "Snakes on a Plane." Yeah, I said it. Look, it's here. Evidently, it is not being billed as a comedy. I'm thinking Oscar. Basically, the film is critic-proof. I mean, how can you attack a movie like this? Were there snakes? Was there a plane? Then, I think the film accomplished its mission. People of earth, we have hit a new low. A new low...of awesome.

Yes, that is Keenan Thompson. Yes, that is a real picture from the movie.

Do me a favor, listen to some Prince this evening. It'll make your world far more tremendous.

Bitches stabbing bitches,
JC

2006-02-01T07:30:00.000-08:00

Logotasticle

Hey guys, what you been up to? Great, glad to hear it. Who me? Well funny you should ask, I've been working on a logo for the Gillamonster's DJ company. Jeff "Magilla-Gorilla" Gill was my pledgemaster from my frat in college and has become a close friend that always seems to be there to get me into trouble whenever it's least convenient. He and our boy Trey have been DJing all over Hoboken, JC, and Manhattan for 2 years now and decided to join forces and start their own entertainment company. For a while now Crown Fire has been just an idea, a dream, something to talk about when we're drunk... But now that Jeff finds himself living the Office Space nightmare in his current job, he's become motivated to make some moves and get this idea off the ground. Knowing the skills I keep claiming to posses, Jeff put it to me to make create some crazy logo for them...

2 months and many false starts later, Jeff is getting pissed at my unenthusiastic approach to his 'great idea' and decides that the only way to get me moving is to sit me down, get me stoned and make me just start drawing. Results were sketchy at first (hahahaha, what a pun!) but then I got into it and came out with some good results.

The original sketch (on top) was done in pencil and then scanned and inked in Photoshop (on bottom)

You can see larger images of both by following the links.. booya

And here is the colored version:

The eyes still need to be finished and the whole thing needs some little adjustments, but overall that's going to be the large logo for the website.

There's still the smaller, tighter, iconic logo that I am working on right now, so ya'll can look forward to that in the upcoming days...

Holy Zombie Jesus it's
- the jOn!!!

2006-01-31T20:00:00.000-08:00

Wow...he said nothing.

That was about a 51 minute waste of time. State of the Union speeches are usually empty, obnoxious pep rallies, but this one really took the taco. The President managed to take up most of an hour, basically saying, "we're winning the war, we're safer than ever, and I am fixing social security." Now, not only is that factually incorrect, the man offered no solutions, ideas, or really anything of substance. I may be the dumber for watching it.

Now, this is not just partisan hackery. Most, if not all of you, know I am not a fan of this president. I'm a pretty ideological lefty, and I've been a frequent critic of the administration. However, I will concede when I point is well made. Tonight, there will be no concession. Over the course of the speech's hour, I was left remembering only a few vague points: fear, freedom, security, and something about the economy. Nothing but talking points. I'm half in the bag, so I'll talk to you tomorrow. Challah at a playa when you see me on the street, trick.....
JC

(for the vision impaired, that is horse shit on the right)

2006-01-30T18:47:00.000-08:00

Justin Presents: Celebrity Crush(es) of the Week, Volume I

Ladies and gentlemen...in the spirit of all that is good, I present my first of many celebrity crushes of the week. You may be wondering: why a feature such as this? And to this I say, why not? I plan to be famous at some point, or even infamous. So I might as well declare my intentions in advance. This week, I bring you not one, but two celebrity crushes. I had planned only one, but I happened to see a film called Match Point, which was not only an excellent film, but also featured the ridiculously absurd hotness of celebrity number two.

Anyway, crush number one is the recently Dweezil-free Lisa Loeb. Having always had a thing for this woman back in the day, I was recently surprised to see the former Mrs. Zappa single and looking for love on some tv show (My dude Big Smooth can attest to this). I will state right here that, although I probably wouldn't make much of an effort, I can be that dude. Evidently I like women who are geeky, bespectacled and....according to this...37. Who knew? Lisa Loeb, we here at Derelicts of Dialect (or at least me, I don't know about the Spruce Moose) salute you, and would not mind giving you the best 45 seconds of your life.

Now, in more obvious choices, I just had to add the addendum of Scarlett Johanssen. I really don't know if I spelled that correctly. Nor do I care. And I really don't need to go into details, because this is a pretty obvious choice. Plus she's much more in my age bracket. So Scarlett, if you're reading, and I know you are....feel free to holla atcha boy.

Stay tuned for more celebrity stalkerdom in future weeks from your boyo, JC...

In Unrelated Badazzzzzzzity
In other awesomeness....ya boy Justin got into law school. Two of them. Hooray for long hours and debt, to begin in August or September. Feel free to contribute to the Justin Collins Relief Fund (501c3) as you see fit, and I'll give you bad legal advice.

I shoot slugs from my brain, just like a rifle....
It's JC.

2006-01-27T06:48:00.000-08:00

T.G.I.F? WTF MF?!!

Anyone who says Thank God It's Friday doesn't go out on Thursdays. These are the same people that call Wednesday "Hump Day" and quote Office Space, "Looks like somebody's got a case of the Mondays" but only because they're too stupid to come up with an original annoying saying to show how much of a loser they are. They look forward to work so much that they sit around all weekend planning out next weeks lunches and reliving all the office gossip that they overheard the people with real lives talking about. You can spot these people a mile away... when you walk into your office, look around. The people smiling are the ones I'm talking about. It's Friday morning, nobody should be happy. Everybody should be nursing a hangover, trying to hide the fact that they're wearing the same clothes they wore yesterday and reek of cheap hotel whore sex, or lying to themselves about the fact that they're still under the influence and everybody knows it. That's in an ideal world of course. Not everybody can party all night and still make it to work, but they should try. Carpe Diem! Don't be one of those people who have a midlife crisis at 30, blow the family savings on a sports car and a hooker and wind up on the evening news wearing stockings and a garter belt.

Next time on, "As the Derelict Churns" we'll find out if Ruth and Brian really do have a long lost love-child or if that was just an evil plot schemed up by their Alsatian Bloodhound Snuffles....

- the jOn

2006-01-26T19:05:00.000-08:00

The Angry Thursdays (Volume I)

I've got a lot of grievances with you people. Now, you're gonna hear about them.

1. People on bicycles. Fuck you. I don't get it. I don't know how to walk when I'm around you people. Do I keep going? Do I stop and let you go by? Can we come to a fucking consensus? One of us is going to die at some point if this continues....hopefully you, stabbed in the face with a soddering iron.

2. NBC. Why the hell did you cancel the West Wing? First, John Spencer dies, sending me into a deep abyss of grief. Then, you cancel the show. Thanks, ass.

3. The Canadians. Really, way to fucking go, electing the conservative party. As I mentioned yesterday, my candidate finished in 4th. Now I have no place close to move when Bush takes away the rest of my rights.

4. The Weather. Don't think I forgot you, weather. Make a decision and stick with it. I can't deal with this unpredictability.

5. The New York State Government - Thanks for making my job far more difficult the past 3 weeks. I really needed your absurdly complicated grant proposals. Don't think I'll forget this. You're on notice, beeeyatch.

I'll be back next week with far more grievances, and sexy results. I think I have some prosecco left to drink, and some company to entertain...it's a celebration, bitches!!!!

Slide into the night like space suits,
it's JC

2006-01-25T17:41:00.000-08:00

Welcome and Whatnot

Yo. Welcome to this, the Derelicts of Dialect...your source for all things Justin, Jon, the random, and the kickass. If this blog is anything, it is varied. Let us begin.

In the Spirit of Recent Elections...

Ok...this isn't a political blog. But this is me, so fuck it. If you haven't been living in a cave, you would have seen that Canada had its elections on Monday, and Palestine today. In both cases, I did not back a winner. In fact, I didn't even back the top loser. In fact, I'm just hoping the slate I backed in Palestine (the Independent List/Palestinian National Initiative - Mustapha Barghouti's crew) came in 3rd. In Canada, my guys, the New Democratic Party, a left-wing, labor-affiliated party, finished in fourth...behind even the guys who want to make Quebec its own country (the Bloc Quebecois).

I'm beginning to see this as a trend. I backed John Kerry in 2004. In 2000, my first election, after almost voting for Nader, I voted for Gore. Regardless, my guy lost. In the divisional round of the 2006 NFL playoffs, I predicted Washington, Chicago, New England, and Indianapolis. Lo and behold, 0-4. On top of this, I'm a fan of the New York Giants, and a lapsed Knick fan. I'd probably pick a loser at the AVN awards, or even a cockfight (does anyone want to go with me to either one of these? It will be fun.). It's just an interesting observation I've come to over the years. However...this does not deter me.

In news unrelated to my inability to support a winner, but very related to the blogtasticness known as Derelicts of Dialect (yes we stole it from a 3rd Bass album - MC Serch and Pete Nice what's hood????), Jon and myself look forward to kicking ass over the next few whatevers...you'll also get some guest legal posts from my boy Icculus, and possibly even more guests. There will also be some regular occurrences. Stay tuned for tomorrow's post, the first installment of "Justin Presents: The Angry Thursdays."

Unity, bitches.
- JC